A repost from the WoW forums by Danuu, still applicable to gaming chicks even if you don't play WoW.
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Dear Ladies and gentlemen,
If you are reading this, you agree that you are of the male variety. Ladies, I’m sure there is a suitable thread for you to amuse yourself in the Baking forum. Am I rite?
OK down to business.
I bet you’re all sitting there wondering “Damn son, how did you get to be such a boss online and IRL?” and I’m going to enlighten you. I’m going to explain to you fellas the cosmic secrets behind being the man the ladies want you to be. About being the man even your mothers want your fathers to be. A gentleman but yet a cocky, self sure, arrogant jerk that gets all the ladies. Then I will provide examples of the magic in effect.
Firstly, I hear you ask “How do I distinguish myself from all the other lonely nerds that infest the womanless wastelands of the WoW universe?” The answer is easy. It’s to act different. The usual gamer will express utmost surprise and then instant infatuation as soon as a party member or someone in /1 lets people know they are female. Don’t lie to yourself boys, you’ve all done it. Instantly you put the lady in charge as she feels she now has dominance over your weak willed body. Remember, she is only letting people know for attention. So why give it to her? What you need to do is publicly announce that what she is saying is false. Undoubtedly she will respond saying “Why do you think this?” and this is tip number 1.
Tip Number 1: “Chicks do not use the internet.”
With this line, countless ladies have fallen prey to my boundless charms and seductions. “How does such a simple thing work so well?” I hear you ask. Well it works like this.
Female lets it be known she is female for attention.
Guy A says “Wau picz!” and gives her attention.
Guy B says “omg asl!” and gives her attention.
Guy C says “mummy help!” and makes everyone feel awkward.
Guy D (D for Danuu) says “Sorry babe, chicks don’t use the internet.”
Female checks the replies.
Guy A: attention received (cross off list).
Guy B: attention received (cross off list).
Guy C: pants are wet (cross off list).
Guy D: attention not received. Must give my attention to said guy to receive attention back.
Now see what has happened here men? The roles have been reversed. You are in charge and she starts actively seeks to instigate conversation with you in hopes that you acknowledge her existence.
This is your first step down the easy journey of WoW hook ups.
Tip Number 2: Guyz be kewl!
Said countless times in IRC channels all over the world when someone’s IP sniffer detects a female. Said countless times but hardly ever acted upon.
Staying cool is not about acting nice, helping out or trying to impress your mates by asking her to cyber. Staying cool is what the jocks at school have mastered. The guys you all know and love. The guys who will stuff you in a locker while asking out your girlfriend. Now if you’ve ever asked yourself how do they get all the ladies, or wondered why they think they’re better than you. Well the answer is easy. They ARE better than you. Their mindset is to act better than anyone else. And that’s how they roll. Now a lady sees a guy acting better than everyone else and in their emotional state of turmoil, they automatically assume “wow this guy is better than me, I must have him”. Btw if any ladies have read this far, this is not your fault at all. Do not think of yourself less for having such a big falling. This is just how your body chemistry works. You may be crazy but we love you for it.
So in summary for tip #2, act cool and be better than everyone else. It might be tough at first, but after a while, you’ll get the hang of it and be bashing on nerds as easy as you can say Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity.
Tip Number 3: Hard to get.
Ok, so far you’ve convinced the lucky lady that you’re different from all the other nerds and that you’re better than her. About this time she will try and take it to the next level. She will ask for your *gasp* MSN/ICQ/email address. Now your gut instinct will be to instantly give her what she wants… but wait! Remember tip #1. If you do that, you’re no different to all the other pizza pocket munching mouth breathers. You have to slow the play down a little. You have to make her want it so bad, she’ll beg and once you have her there, you know that when she finally makes contact out of game, she’ll want to talk to you for hours and meet up, hold hands, share a milkshake and have a long lasting, deep meaningful relationship full of passion, pleasure and the occasional child.
Here are some slow down plays:
- You only want my contact to have sex with me.
- Why are you stalking me?
- I have a 12inch long… fresh subway sandwich.
And something a little left field:
- THEY’RE IN THE WALLS
But save that for those “females” that play Night Elves. You know what I’m saying *cough* they’re all guys *cough*.
Now remember, you’re acting cool and you’re playing hard to get BUT also you can’t maintain this stance for too long. Too long rejecting her advances and she will become so cut that she will probably cancel her account, carve a tear in her cheek and unfortunately turn Emo. I’ve seen too many cases end up like this and it hurts every time. Just give a bit of encouragement every now and then. Like “I may consider giving you my AIM contact… if you buy me an epic mount.”
Tip Number 4: The conclusion
Finally, after all this work, it’s time to allow it to go to the next level. Acting really reluctantly, you acknowledge her as a female and allow her to contact you over another means of communication. She will be so relieved that after all this effort, you’re finally giving her attention, she will continue to favour you in the future for anything regarding female to male companionship.
Here’s a little something I prepared earlier. Enjoy:
http://www.facesofwow.com/gallery/di...lbum=28&pos=25
And then boys, you’re in. Go hard my sons.
Peace.
I will be taking questions in this thread and answering them as best as my abilities allow.
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